No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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