So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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