why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize