So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
