Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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