Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize