saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
