i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize