This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
