Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
