I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
