Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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