i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
