you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
