1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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