i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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