I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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