I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
