It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
