I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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