the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
