Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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