Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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