Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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