Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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