I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
