you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
