i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
