I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize