I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
