She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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