sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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