I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
