Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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