Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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