how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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