I skipped work to stalk him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize