Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
