if you like me you must not know who I am
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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