i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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