Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
