I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
