So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
