I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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