Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
