1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
jump out the window naked night went bad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize