well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
