I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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