Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
