she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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