i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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