i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
