Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
