i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
