I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
