It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize