How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
