I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
