He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
