we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
