What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize