Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
not ubering you a puppy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
