About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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