There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
