I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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