i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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