i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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