Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There are leaves in my underwear?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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