Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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