i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
