on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm getting married
To pizza
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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