i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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