I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
