Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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