Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you didnt know i had herpes?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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