toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
