fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
