Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
