How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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