I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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