He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
