Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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