Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
