Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
