So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
