Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
