Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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