to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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