just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
