Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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