Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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