Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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