there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
