I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
