She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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