As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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