Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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