i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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