and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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